The Snape that stole Christmas
by Potion Mistress Lita
Summary: So this idea came to me when I was sitting down in school and figured why not? I think the title pretty much says it all so I'll stop it there. In a nutshell it's a Hogwarts them The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This came to me one day and I figured I'd write it =P. So here's the Christmas Special Enjoy!**

**Warnings: EXTREME Out of Characterness on Snape's part sometimes but this is a comedy so don't like out of characterness please don't flame me for it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter this is purely fanmade, besides I'd take Severus any day over that scarhead xDD**

Chapter One: The Accident

It was a few months before Christmas and all was well at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. All the students were tucked in their dorms and all was quiet except for the echoing footsteps of Filch or the meows of Mrs. Norris through the corridors. One individual however was still at work at this hour, Professor Snape.

In his office he worked, dicing ingredients to add to his new potion, a red liquid bubbled away in the cauldron he was working on. When Snape set his mind to anything, he would create it. Right now it was a potion designed to take the Christmas spirit out of everyone in the castle. If no one had any, no one would put up the decorations or even sing those blasted songs every year. He had put up with it for nearly 20 years and now it was time to say good bye.

He had it all planned out, he would bring a bottle of it with him into the Great Hall and cast an evaporating charm to make it appear as an invisible mist. All it would take is one drop in everyone's goblet and then no more Christmas spirit. He smiled as he thought over his plan in his mind, it was perfect, the old coot Dumbledore wouldn't suspect it and even if they asked him or someone else to make an antidote he would say yes and make something completely different. It's not like anyone could outdo him in a potion HE created anyways.

It was nearly completed, he had added the necessary ingredients to make everything happen and now he needed to add one more ingredient. He picked up the final ingredient and spun it around in his fingers. For a moment he allowed himself to become lost in his childhood fantasies about kissing Lily Evans underneath it and then he angrily threw the mistletoe into the cauldron, instantly thinking of her loser husband potter. Lost in his reverie of rage he failed to notice the contents of the cauldron suddenly turn into a swirl of green and red and bubble dangerously. It seeped over the sides of the cauldron and down the desk bubbling more violently as it dripped to the floor. Snape turned around and watched what was happening, it was as though someone had put baking soda and vinegar into his cauldron.

The pressure became too great and the cauldron exploded, spraying fragments of the iron cauldron and its contents everywhere. Snape was hit head on with the flying pieces of metal, one hit him in the thigh, one on his right shoulder and one rebounded off his head making him fall over unconscious. The potion continued to spill everywhere eventually pooling around the lifeless body of Snape.

He woke up in the hospital wing to the urgent cries of "Severus!". His eyes fluttered open and came face to face with Dumbledore, automatically he jumped halfway up the bed and smacked his head into the wall behind him. He held his head and groaned. "Why am I in the hospital wing?"

"You didn't show up for your classes the next day so we went into your private lab to find out what was happening. You were knocked out on the floor with pieces of metal in your body. Did you hex your cauldron?"

He was screwed they had seen the potion, he quickly thought of a lie to tell them about it. "No I was working on a potion to…cure Werewolf's….for my good friend…..Reamus?" He mentally smacked himself in head. Dumbledore looked down at him over his half moon spectacles; Snape stared back, praying to god that the headmaster would overlook it.

"Severus, I think that piece of shrapnel went too far into your head are you alright?" Dumbledore asked him.

"Yes headmaster." He got up and went behind a curtain to change.

"Severus." Said the headmaster.

"Yes headmaster?" He removed his hospital robe and was greeted by a window outside of it a number of students pointing, some actually throwing up and the sight of their potions master. He quickly covered himself up and went to the other side of the curtain. "You were…"

"Yeah." He replied sheepishly.

"Probably could have…you know?" Said Snape awkwardly tying the hospital gown around himself again.

"Yeah…I know." Said Dumbledore looking down at the floor . "You should….go get dressed."

"Yeah." Snape dashed to one of the changing rooms and came out his usual self, clad in black robes and a billowing cape of doom. "I trust the mess was cleaned up?" He asked heading to the door.

"Yes the cauldron was picked up, next time though please don't go exploding your cauldron." Said Dumbledore watching him, Snape stopped in his tracks and turned around.

"And the potion, Was it cleaned up?"

"Severus there wasn't any when I got in there." Explained the Dumbledore eyeing Snape curiously. "What were you working on?"

"I told you, the cure for werewolf syndrome for my good friend Reamus." He smiled and left the hospital wing.

He got to his office in minutes, passing students along the way, some of them still looked queasy. But nevertheless he had to figure out what had happened with the potion. Snape went straight into his lab and saw the cauldron gathered up in pieces on the counter. "Reparo." He flicked his wand at it and the cauldron was instantly repaired. Then he looked for any traces of anyone coming in other than Dumbledore. He circled the table in the middle pondering who it could have been. Dumbledore would have pressed the issue further, Filch wouldn't know how to take charms down, the teacher's kept their distance and it wasn't in their nature. Potter wouldn't dare come near his private chamber, he even doubted the boy even knowing where his classes were. He ran over the ingredients in his head; Mint leaf, ground falcon talon, pine needles, Moonstone, Blast Ended Screwt Blood and Mistletoe.

A new idea came to him, what if it had been absorbed into his skin? He quickly went into his stores and looked for a flask. He found it and slid down the ladder. It was Heglace Potion, used to determine if any potions were present in the body at anytime. He downed the foul liquid in one swift movement and waited. If it was true that the potion had been absorbed into his skin, the color of the potion would replace his normally pale self. He waited and a few minutes went by he noticed a green tinge to his skin, no wait now it was red and then green again. A striped pattern appeared over his entire body and Snape looked down at him. The potion should have been complete, now it would take time to see if it actually worked or not.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO – THE NEXT DAY

The next day Ron, Harry and Hermione were walking through the hallways, it was 3 weeks till Christmas and holiday cheer was everywhere. The hallways were decorated with ribbon and holly along the walls and the ghosts were singing Christmas carols. There was one thing though that was also going through the corridor, a rumor involving Snape.

"Did you hear it?" Harry asked Ron.

"No idea can't be anything new though I mean IT IS Snape. You can't expect everyone to not throw around rumors about him."

"Why don't we ask around? I'm curious myself." Hermione suggested. Just then Neville came up to them, a nervous looking boy with dark slightly curled hair.

"You guys haven't heard yet have you?" He asked them looking around the corridors for Snape. For some reason Snape delighted in torturing Neville any chance he got, this had been going on since his 1st year at Hogwarts. Now he was in his 3rd year and it didn't appear to have stopped at all.

"No." Everyone said eagerly. "What happened?"

"Well...Snape was working on a potion in his lab and it exploded. Now he's being grumpier than usual. Woke up in the hospital wing yesterday and stripped in front of the window." He explained. "You didn't hear it from me though." He looked up behind them and quickly speed walked away.

"Nicholas!" Shouted a deep voice from the corridor. "25 points from Hufflepuff."

"For what?" Asked Nicholas turning around and looking up at Snape confused.

"For hanging that…abomination on the wall."

"But I made it and got permission from the headmaster."

Snape straightened himself up and looked up at the Christmas wreath. It was a deep forest green with silver sparkles and pinecones dipped in silver glitter glue. "Your work disgusts me, take it off."

Nicholas slowly turned around and took hold of the wreath and walked away sadly. Snape smiled triumphantly and continued to his classroom.

"Did you just see that?" Ron asked after watch the scene.

"No I've spent the last 5 minutes staring at the ceiling. Of course I saw it." Hermione said outraged.

"He's more crankier than usual." Harry said watching Snape's cloak disappear around a corner. "Wonder what happened."

"Who cares?" Said Ron.

"Well we do have potions in the afternoon." Hermione said.

Snape went straight into his office after forcing the Gryffindork to take down the wreath. Having decided that the potion would not really harm him in the least, he had decided to not rid himself of its effects anytime soon. He set up his cauldron and began to work on producing the potion again. He remembered the first 3 ingredients but drew a blank for what he had added next. _Was it mint or unicorn hair? _He pondered this over in his mind for what seemed like an hour. He mentally scolded himself for allowing the cauldron to explode. "Shrapnel must've really flung at me." He said to himself after finally giving up for now.

He looked up at the clock and it was time for his first lesson of the day with a bunch of 1st years. Snape placed a maintenance charm on the cauldron and went to the classroom. The students were inside waiting for the lesson to begin. Snape walked to the front of the classroom and waved his wand. The name of the potion and the ingredients/procedures appeared on the board. "Begin." He sat down at his desk and began marking papers.

"Professor," Said a small voice, he looked up to see a Gryffindor first year. "May I leave early from class? We're travelling somewhere for Christmas and I need to leave to get on the train back home."

Snape returned to his marking. "Absolutely not."

"But I won't be able to go then." Her eyes filled with tears.

"Sucks to be you." He didn't bother looking up. If she really needed to leave she should have simply not showed up and informed her head of house.

"That's not fair!" He looked up again to see Nicholas again, this time looking more courageous than before. He glared at Snape from the middle of the room. "She asked nicely so let her go."

"Mr. Paysley you are not in charge of this classroom therefore you have no say in what goes on in this room." Snape sneered at the child.

"But I do Severus." Snape's attention went to the back of the room to see Albus Dumbledore standing in the doorway. "Ms. Roselin you are free to go now if you wish." Snape shot Albus a nasty look put returned to his marking all the same.

Dumbledore stayed there for the rest of the lesson practically hovering over Snape's every move like a shadow. When the bell rang he finally spoke. "I want you to take a break from teaching Severus."

"Headmaster I'm fine."

"You certainly are not, until the Christmas holidays are over, you are not to teach. Whatever happened in that office of yours is a mystery, but never the less it has changed you somehow, I only want you to do this to see if maybe it will wear off on its own. I will arrange for a substitute to continue and you will receive payment still over the next two weeks. Off you go Severus."

"Yes headmaster." Snape said stiffly and rushed past the headmaster. He was officially free to work on that potion and he grinned at the thought. Nothing would stand in his way of ridding the school from the abomination that was Christmas.


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE – TROUBLE MAKING THE POTION and….THE SONG XDD

A/N: Okay so the song is going to be synced up with this chapter and it works well if you play it as you read it if you want to. It goes the part of the song and then what Snape is doing because let's face it without the song this isn't a parody of the Grinch Who Stole Christmas. The old version is the one I'm going by (yes the 1950 cartoon version with the Tony the Tiger voice). Go to youtube and type in you're a mean one the first vid is the one ur lookin for =P. (Go on to a min n 22 sec into the song) The only difference is Grinch is replaced with Snape in the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own the plot to the Grinch who Stole Christmas or Harry Potter

ALSO: I know I'm asking you to go to a youtube video but A) It's not my channel and B) I'm not just posting hey! Go to my youtube channel or check out this vid. It made writing the story easier and I'm sure it would be less awkward for readers reading a line from the song and then reading what Snape is doing through that part of it. Okay let's get to the good stuff xDD

**CHAPTER BEGINS HERE:**

Snape took the maintenance charm off of the cauldron and began to pace around the table. His mind racing like mad in an attempt to remember the order of the ingredients, now that his mind was focused on the task he came to the realization the memory was in bits and pieces. After 3 hours he collapsed on a stool holding his head in his hand.

Now there is one thing about Slytherins that separate them from the different houses, in a sense they are a combination of the three. Hard working when they set their mind to something like Hufflepuff, courageous when it's important like Gryffindor and forever cunning as any Ravenclaw. Snape was no exception. An idea struck him, an idea that was so devious only he would have even come up with such an idea. His lips curled up as far as they could into a wicked smile or triumph.

This idea was essentially a backup in case his first one didn't work out. Now that he had a few weeks before Christmas off to actually complete it the potion would be worked on, on the side of this new plot. He was going to steal Christmas. The idea came to him so clearly it was perfect, mostly everyone looks forward to opening presents and dreading going to a relatives place.

"I will sneak into the dormitories and steal every spec of Christmas delight." He said to himself. "I have access to everywhere in the castle. Once I have everything I will burn it or make it vanish. Christmas will not be coming to Hogwarts this year." He smiled and walked over to the fire, he had supplies to get and without a second to lose he threw a handful of floo powder into the fireplace and disappeared in a flash of green flames.

Meanwhile in Gryffindor Tower:

The golden trio had just returned from a day of classes. Tired and filled with homework to complete for the next day, they barely fit through the portrait hole leading to the common room. "I swear, if we get more homework my arms will fall off from carrying it." Ron said dumping his books and parchment onto a table.

"Ron be careful with your books, some aren't exactly in the best of shape." Said Hermione, picking a tattered book up from the heap, her attention was drawn over to a group of people giggling.

"Fred that is the best song ever, you have to send it in to a radio station or something." Said Lee Jordan.

"Nah, my career's going in a different path mate." Said Fred laughing with the rest of them.

"What are you all laughing at?" Asked Ron finally turning his attention to his older brothers.

"Fred here's written a song about Snape. Heard he got 2 weeks off for telling someone off because they wanted to leave class early to go home for Christmas travelling." Replied George.

"Let's hear it then." Ron said excitedly having found an excuse to prolong doing his homework.

Fred cleared his throat and began to sing:

[You're a Mean One, . You really are a heel]

Snape is racing around gathering his supplies and paying the cashier at a shop in Hogsmeade.

[You're as cuddly as a Cactus and as Charming as an eel APE]

Snape is walking back into the castle carrying a bag sneering at students with particular emphasis on Nicholas as he makes his way to his office. Suddenly burping loudly before he enters his office and slamming the door shut.

[You're a bad banana with a...greasy black peeeeeeeeeeel]

Snape is working with a sewing machine with red fabric.

[You're a monster, . You're hearts an empty hole.]

As he's sewing he thinks back to telling that Gryffindor girl no and laughs to himself.

[Your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul APE]

He adds spider legs and dices garlic before putting them into the potion.

[I wouldn't touch you with a…39 and a half foot pole.]

Snape is chopping something, meanwhile a pole is extending from his window and attempt to touch him. He stops and looks behind him but it has disappeared already.

[You're a vile one, . You have termites in your smile.]

He looks onto the side of the cauldron and upon seeing his reflection smiles and a bug crawls over the cauldron and on the reflection of his teeth.

[You have all the tender sweetness, of a sea sick crocodile Mr Snayyyyyy APE]

He sees a starving mouse and walks over to a cupboard then pulls out a mouse trap. He lays down the trap and puts the cheese on it.

[Given the choice between the two of you I'd take the…sea sick crocodillllle]

He puts on the red robes he made and puts a red hat with fur trimming on his head.

The group laughs loudly into the night unknowing of Snape's plan. Down in the dungeons however, Snape is looking at himself in the mirror. He's got the hat and the robes but unsure whether or not it's for him. Not that it looks horribly bad on him but it's a drastic change to his usual black. "December 24th is the night I will strike and then, no more Christmas for Hogwarts." He smirked at his brilliant scheme.


End file.
